Each year, my mom and I attend the History Club fashion show together. (Read all about it on page 2 of this issue.) It reminds her of the times when, as a little girl growing up in the 1950s, her mother would take her to lunch at tea rooms. There, ladies would roam the restaurant modeling clothes from the neighboring department store.
In addition to a delightful afternoon, the History Club’s fundraiser is also a fascinating study in sociology. Without fail, one of the ladies sitting at our table will eventually make a remark like, “I love that dress, but I can’t wear horizontal stripes,” or “That’s a beautiful top but I couldn’t show my bare arms.”
I hear the words (and have even said them myself in the past) and it makes me sad, because I know those thoughts came from somewhere – from someone. At some point in our past, words and thoughts have been planted in our heads like little seeds that have grown and clouded our self-perception.
I’m currently trying to raise two strong, confident girls, and while I know I can’t shield them from the harsh realities of the world forever, I’m doing my best to ensure the words they hear at home are building them up and not tearing them down.
Because I can still hear words that were spoken to me as a young girl – offhanded, careless comments that planted a seed in my head and have grown in ways I wish they hadn’t.
In being hyper-aware and intentional with the things I say in front of my daughters an interesting thing has happened. I have become more intentional with the way I think about myself.
“Mommy, why do you wear makeup?”
Ooh. Tough one. The easy answer would be, “Because I don’t like the way I look without it.” Yikes, imagine how that little seed would grow! So I thought long and hard before I realized the answer was actually, “Because it makes me feel powerful.”
“Mommy, why do you exercise?”
I thought long and hard about that one, too. “So I can be healthy and strong and run and play with you at the park.”
This process has also made me think carefully about how I react to what I see when I look in the mirror, because I know little eyes are watching me. Even on my bad days, I don’t sigh in disgust or make disparaging comments (although it’s tempting some days). Instead I focus on the things I’m grateful for – a healthy mind and body that allow me to be active and present for my family.
It’s been eight years of analyzing my responses and my reactions, and while it can be exhausting, it’s done wonders for both me and my girls. Although this year, for the very first time, my oldest used the “F” word.
“Mommy, am I too fat?”
That question was tough to hear but easy to answer.
“Kiddo, your body is exactly as it should be right now.”
She hasn’t said it again since.
Any time I hear the words of my past whispering in my ear, telling me I can’t wear something I like, I think of my friend Larissa.
She loves to wear big, show-stopping earrings. At a social event, a lady told her, “Gosh, I love your earrings! I wish I could wear something like that.”
“Oh, here’s what you do,” Larissa said. The lady leaned in to hear her secret. “You find the earrings you want to wear…then you put them on… and then... you wear them.”
Mic drop.
Confidence begins at an early age, but it’s never too late to find it. I challenge you to really think about (and be intentional with) the words you tell yourself.
Build up that inner child.
Love yourself.
Give yourself grace.
Wear the big earrings.
Source: Freepik.com